Belly envy

One of the best things you can say to a pregnant woman is that her belly is bigger than the next pregnant woman’s. Seems belly envy is a big thing amongst those who’re expecting.

Then, as I’m glowing from paying my wife such a good compliment, she comes out of the BP with 2 packets of M&Ms, Burger Rings AND Cheezels grinning like the cat that got the cream. It’s been a good day for my wife.

These fresh allegations against David Benson Pope. Why now? Almost 10 years later?

Whether it sticks or not is not the issue here, and I’ve never had a teacher burst into my dorm while I’m in my undies so I can’t speak on that - but the allegations about whacking kids with rulers and biffing dusters, I had both of those happen to me when I was a kid and I deserved it!

The ruler whack in Standard 2 was because a mate and I were playing with dinky cars on our desks instead of doing maths, and the flying duster was a legend in standard 3, so was the kid who caught it one day and biffed it back at the teacher.

That particular teacher has since tried to get me into Amway which is even worse but I’m not going to go all Michael Jackson on him.

Nice clean cars

Ok so my wife had to get a WOF today, so she took some stuff out of her car. 8 pairs of shoes, 3 weeks worth of letterbox junkmail, February’s Skywatch magazine, (yes I’m aware it’s almost March) one of the sashes from her bridesmaids dresses, we got married April last year by the way, some burger king sauce and an empty pack of M&Ms.

Apparently its calledbaby brain to do things like that. Its pretty adorable from where Im sitting.

Here comes the segue...

Speaking of clean cars, (smooth eh!) I have a thing against intersection window washers, its probably a little unfair but to me they look like theyre on P. Lock your windows and avoid eye contact before they get their filthy brush anywhere near your car and abuse hell out of them if they go ahead and do it anyway. Thats my feeling anyway.

Anyway, a marketing opportunity has been finally been realised. The young Auckland woman at the top of Union street as you get ready to go either down Nelson, up Pitt or onto the Motorways wearing the white sportsbra and skimpy shorts is making a killing.

Im still not letting her near my car though. I can look but you cant touch.. or something like that.

Inappropriate comments in cafes

I got scowled at today, I was at a cafe and in the counter food cabinet they had what they called ‘Israeli Couscous Salad.’ So I asked if they had a Palestinian salad as well.

The waitress giggled. Then, she’s paid to deal with idiot comments, it was the lady waiting for her trim flat white who flicked me the dirty look, I considered telling her that they hardly ever put trim milk in if it’s just one trim coffee in amongst the boys milk coffees, but I’d already pissed her off enough.

When you’re on the radio, you’re always looking for the funny gag. My long suffering wife is used to it. Most of the time.

Meantime, texting is back in the news for causing RSI. Here's a thought, shouldn't we be evolving? Shouldn't using our thumbs for texting cause our thumbs to adapt? If we just pushed through the pain like you do when you're running with stitch will that make our great great grandchildren's thumbs more dexterous?

Tell me if there’s a fundamental hole in that plan won’t you.

The German community believes it is highly unlikely Nazi war criminals are living in New Zealand. Lets be honest, if they are they’re in rest homes or have handed in their knife and fork already and are busy pushing up the daisies.

Finally, Business New Zealand has waded into the debate about the price of broadband, commissioning a study to compare Telecom prices with prices in other countries. They found that NZ is better off than some others when it comes to broadband.

We're on dial up at home and it does the job, when broadband is cheaper than dial up and I don't have to pay for a modem I'll change over. It's like going from Sky UHF to digital or 025 to 027 eh.

Anyway, the study found out that we’re better off than Ethiopia, Pakistan, Tibet and Costa Rica.

Yeah, that was another joke.

2 entries already, can I keep this pace up?

It's worth mentioning at this stage of the game that this Blog doesn't carry the usual restraints of a Radio Station Programme Director. On air, I have to toe the line as we're a family radio station, here I'm not being airchecked every week so I can pretty much say what I like. Don't be surprised if I do. Maybe this will be an outlet for the things I want to say on air but can't. Maybe not.

On that, our boss is leaving. That's a bit weird. He hired me. Him and I used to work together on another station about 10 years ago, we're good mates. Having your mate who is your boss leave is unnerving in a performance based industry. What if the new person wants to make sweeping changes? What if they're a dick?

Chances are though, they'll be someone we know as it's a pretty small industry, most likely they'll come in with new fresh ideas that will make us sound hotter. It's a big job, probably the biggest PD job in the country. It's sad to see the current boss go, and while unsettling, exciting to see someone new come in and show us what they can do with us.

Business as usual in the meantime, trying to entertain the audience in the way that C4 and South Park can't. The boss there is Jewish incidentally, I've worked with him before as well. I wonder if I should do a skit about the Jewish boss of C4 in a shower? Best not. He's actually quite a nice guy.

It all takes time doesn't it..

Finding time to write, screwing it up and starting again. I'm in the middle of Wednesday night Feb 22 giving away movie tickets and playing Belfast Child by Simple Minds, it's 6 minutes long.

What do you want to know? Typical day? Photo of studio? Webcam? Audio from the show? Personal stuff going on at home? Random opinions?

I've looked at other radio jocks pages and those things seem to be the norm. I want this page to be interesting, not knaff. Hey, this whole idea might be dumb but we don't know if we don't try eh.

So the plan is for you to read this and feel like you know me a little better, by knowing me, it might make my show stand out from other nightshows, we're doing pretty well at the moment but we can always do better.

Comment, be honest, I can take it. I think. If I can't handle it I'll delete the whole thing in a shitty mood and never return. Of course you might like what you read, find my opinion interesting, I also might just piss you off. You never know. The worst thing would be if you thought I was a pratt for doing it. Then, I'm in a performance industry, if I rate good, I keep my job. If I don't, my contract doesn't get renewed and that scares the crap out of me. I have a pregnant wife, I am man, I must provide. So you can see why a little self promotion is necessary.

Right. Off to answer the phone, requests are coming in. I may even talk to you.