I have a job interview

To see if I'd be an appropriate tutor for a course starting soon. See, I was pretty crap at school, I didn't go to Uni - wait that's a lie - I went to Canterbury University's O week in 1994 but that was just to drink and chase girls. My point is I have no qualifications. Wife says I have a decade and a half of experience and knowledge to impart. She's biased though. I'll let the people doing the interviewing decide that.

Let me try a lesson on you. Imagine you're in a classroom. I'm up the front with the whiteboard. You have a student loan that could wipe out a small African country's national debt and I'm giving an example on using topicality on air:

Part of radio is being topical. No, not the ointment, the news. (class laugh) Talk about the news and put a funny / thought provoking / relatable / likeable / twisted spin on it. Here’s an example of writing a topical monologue for broadcast:

"In the news today, hundreds of cleaners rallied in cities across New Zealand and Australia to demand improved wages and conditions from employers.

It's true that work kitchens across the land are generally filthy and if cleaners didn’t clean no-one would because when we get to work we take on the cleaning abilities of a 9 year old. So more money for the cleaners for sure, hell more money for everyone! Roadworkers! Rubbish men! Teachers! Everyone!

However, cleaners can't complain about substandard conditions - substandard conditions are why we HAVE cleaners! At the end of a workday, there are coffee rings on desks.. dust on computers.. half a pack of exploded noodles spread through the microwave…

Cleaners make bad conditions good and dirty things clean. If it wasn’t dirty in the first place then we wouldn’t NEED cleaners!

Go for more money cleaners, you're worth it! Just remember, the worse the conditions are, the more work there is to do and get paid for."

So what reactions did we get in there class?

Thought provoking - Yup. A good, although simplisticly misguided point made.
Likeable - Yes. Anyone who wants teachers and the rubbish man to get more money is alright by most people.
Relatable - Yes. We've all seen the damage a pack of two minutes noodles can do to the microwave.
Funny? Meh. Moderately.

To be honest I didn't think it was that strong so it got broadcast close to midnight when most people had gone to bed. I had better stuff on earlier.

Did we learn anything? Can I teach? I'm not convinced eh. Let you know how it goes. Happy weekend!


  1. whats this about you going for a job interview? Are yu thinking of leaving classic hits?

  2. Nah, it's an extra part time job during the day. I'm here for at least another 2 years!