1. There’s nothing wrong with your car radio, all the stations are that scratchy.
2. If you look left or right or wait for the cross signal while crossing any road bisecting Cuba Mall, you’re a pussy.
3. Yes, that very slight slow down between 4.45 and 5.10 is rush hour.
4. Forget your GPS, the streets are too close together for it to know where you are.
5. It’s best not to talk on your cell while driving, not because it’s dangerous, but because it’ll cut out.
6. You will only toot in the Mt Vic tunnel, no other, ever.
7. The trolley bus lines are not an eyesore, they’re a Wellington icon so shut up.
8. It’s best to not open your car door while holding a takeaway coffee in a southerly.
9. If you have cause to wonder why someone is honking, it’s generally your fault.
10. Don’t worry, you will actually fit between the car coming straight for you and the one badly parked on your left. All our roads are this thin.